Tuesday, November 29, 2005
EMOTIONAL ENERGY INVENTORY
Most of the people who are important to us have very specific expectations that they want us to live up to. Not only do parents want their kids to live a certain way or have a certain kind of career. People want their spouses to be ambitious or nurturing or social. People want friends to be cool or funny or endlessly helpful.
When the expectations people have of you are the same as your own, then your life can feel in harmony. But when the people who are important to you have expectations that are out of sync with what you want and what you need for yourself, then you could be going through life with a terrible draining burden on your emotional energy.
Why is this so exhausting? Suppose you had a job, and you and a coworker did the same tasks. But by some bizarre twist 80 percent of your paycheck kept ending up in his pocket. You’re both working hard, but he gets most of the benefit of your work. How long could you go on that way?
That’s what happens when you try to live your life according to someone else’ expectations. You’re supposed to get satisfaction from the way you live your life. Maybe not every minute, but in general you have a right to expect satisfaction from life. But when someone else’s expectations determine how you live, it’s the other person, not you, who gets the emotional satisfaction from your efforts. You’re putting out energy, but you’re starving to death emotionally.
So, who is the one person in your life right now whose expectations are a problem for you? Who in your life makes you feel just a little more emotionally exhausted because of your sense of their disappointment in you? Now, try to state the other person’s expectation for you in one simple sentence. For example, “my partner expects me to be slim and trim.” Or My dad wants me to have what he calls a real career.”
The next step would be seeing how you’ve signed on to someone else’s expectation that in your heart you don’t agree with. Once you can see this, you can begin to lessen the emotional drain until it’s managed enough or you are free.
When the expectations people have of you are the same as your own, then your life can feel in harmony. But when the people who are important to you have expectations that are out of sync with what you want and what you need for yourself, then you could be going through life with a terrible draining burden on your emotional energy.
Why is this so exhausting? Suppose you had a job, and you and a coworker did the same tasks. But by some bizarre twist 80 percent of your paycheck kept ending up in his pocket. You’re both working hard, but he gets most of the benefit of your work. How long could you go on that way?
That’s what happens when you try to live your life according to someone else’ expectations. You’re supposed to get satisfaction from the way you live your life. Maybe not every minute, but in general you have a right to expect satisfaction from life. But when someone else’s expectations determine how you live, it’s the other person, not you, who gets the emotional satisfaction from your efforts. You’re putting out energy, but you’re starving to death emotionally.
So, who is the one person in your life right now whose expectations are a problem for you? Who in your life makes you feel just a little more emotionally exhausted because of your sense of their disappointment in you? Now, try to state the other person’s expectation for you in one simple sentence. For example, “my partner expects me to be slim and trim.” Or My dad wants me to have what he calls a real career.”
The next step would be seeing how you’ve signed on to someone else’s expectation that in your heart you don’t agree with. Once you can see this, you can begin to lessen the emotional drain until it’s managed enough or you are free.
Friday, November 25, 2005
Each Post is a Continuation of the Previous.
I would love to know that you came by and Paused a few minutes.
Feel free to let the subject matter develop before posting comments.
Please Let me know that you were "HERE AND READ"
by leaving me a "H.A.R." In the Comments.
We'll dive into the discussion once we're all heading the same direction.
With Passion and Purpose, - Keith
Life's Seasons and Our Power
What enables some people to go through tough times and come out on top? Or those who can stay focused during hectic times of life and not lose their way? How can you keep a level head, make great decisions, keep relationships strong so that when a hard season of life ends, you are don't find your self having to repair the key life areas? How do you maintain a proper course for life in the middle of bad times and good times? Each situation tends to drive us different directions.
When difficult times come our way, we feel powerless to change the downward spiral. We're tempted to think, "What's the use of trying to do the right things? No matter what I do, I never seem to get ahead." During hard times, it seems like others around you have it easier than you. You seem to always get the short end of the stick. Conversely, when good times start rolling, we are lulled into thinking that we're wiser than we really are, as if all our good fortune is somehow a direct result of our personal greatness. We think, "I don't know why everyone's always bellyaching about everything. I think life's pretty darn good. They need to suck it up and try harder."
As a result, we're not as intentional or diligent in maintaining schedule, format, budget, etc. Why? Cause when times are good, we tend to let down our guard. We believe the lie that because times are good we must be doing things right, so we can relax. In our laxness, we sabotage the next season of life that comes our way.
Understanding life's seasons is important because what we do now, enhances or sabotages the next season of life. Whether it comes along next year, next quarter or next month and whether it lasts for a month, a year or five years, that next season will be a result of how well I have traversed the one I'm currently in and how wise my decision making is in my relationships, finances, emotions and spirituality. The sooner I become aware of this truth, the sooner I can come up with a plan to preserve the next season. I am living in a season that has been nurtured, grown, and ripened as a result of what I did the last season of my life. So therefore, what I do now prepares me for next season.
I will continue to talk in the next few posts about the intentionality behind preserving the next season. We all wish that the current season of life we are in, would be better than it is, or if it is good, we wish it would last longer. But there is nothing we can do right now about some aspects of this season. We are living the result of our preparation or lack there of.
Monday, November 21, 2005
Watching The Gauges
Many people in our day have entered into a way of life that is toxic to the soul, and it has the potential to destroy your spirit and sap the life out of you. If your whole life is just a rushed, unblinking movement from task to task, if you find yourself constantly running on fumes, trying to cram more into your days, if there's nothing more to your life than just increasing its speed, you're going to pay a real serious price. Your heart is going to get real small and real cold, and your spirit is going to get real shallow, and you will become self-absorbed.
Why is it so hard for people to stay on track in life through the ups and downs? Not able to stay at the top of their game when life goes astray. What is it about some people that allows them to keep going through hard times while others fall apart? Is it just certain personality types or temperaments? Since there are many different personality types and combinations of temperaments, strengths, weaknesses combined with the multifaceted "stressors" that come our way, it is impossible to draw any conclusions about how certain people will most likely navigate or emotionally survive the hard times of life.
Given my unique strengths, weaknesses, abilities, habits, I will go through situations and circumstances different than you and you than me. We will never change that fact. It is not the goal of my writing to come up with a set formula that works for every person the same way. I want to introduce some concepts that could very well change your life and the lives of those around you for generations to come.
Even though we are all different, there are some similarities about the way we all face circumstances and navigate our way through life and make progress in relationships or get stuck because of poor life navigational skills or lack of preparation. What I am interested in is how to go through the seasons of life, the good, the difficulties, and the unfairness and be able to come through and out the other side without losing momentum in areas of life such as relationships, finances, spirituality, emotionally. To come through all that life throws your way and keep those things intact. To stay balanced with the ability to make great decisions in the middle of life’s frustrations.
I believe that each of us is designed by a designer or creator in ways that are very unique from each other. Relating patterns are similar, but the way that I move through life, the way that I make decisions, the way I see things and view things and respond to things is drastically different than the way you would go through similar things. The things that I love to do will be different than the things you love to do. The things I find exciting, you may find boring. The things you find to be thrilling may put me to sleep. We are all different.
That statement does not reveal anything new to you, but I want to dive deeper into the uniqueness of design for each of us, and the ramifications on your life and mine if we do not understand how we have each been designed to refuel when we reach a depleted state. If we all are different in our design, then not only do we respond uniquely as we face all that life throws our way, but we also are depleted at a different rate and refueled In a different manner. Not understanding how you reach depletion and what refuels you once you do, can be devastating to your life, your decisions, and your success. Building those refueling moments and activities into your life will take some time and some self awareness. The result will pay enormous dividends for you and those around you.
The first part of the journey naturally starts with the question; Do you know what depletes you emotionally? Be specific, which people, what activities and circumstances. I will teach you to learn about the "depletors" in your life and the "refuelers." The goal is to be able to gauge where you are at any given time and then know what to do in order to overcome depletion and learn how to refuel. So, pull up a chair and let's take a journey together.
Why is it so hard for people to stay on track in life through the ups and downs? Not able to stay at the top of their game when life goes astray. What is it about some people that allows them to keep going through hard times while others fall apart? Is it just certain personality types or temperaments? Since there are many different personality types and combinations of temperaments, strengths, weaknesses combined with the multifaceted "stressors" that come our way, it is impossible to draw any conclusions about how certain people will most likely navigate or emotionally survive the hard times of life.
Given my unique strengths, weaknesses, abilities, habits, I will go through situations and circumstances different than you and you than me. We will never change that fact. It is not the goal of my writing to come up with a set formula that works for every person the same way. I want to introduce some concepts that could very well change your life and the lives of those around you for generations to come.
Even though we are all different, there are some similarities about the way we all face circumstances and navigate our way through life and make progress in relationships or get stuck because of poor life navigational skills or lack of preparation. What I am interested in is how to go through the seasons of life, the good, the difficulties, and the unfairness and be able to come through and out the other side without losing momentum in areas of life such as relationships, finances, spirituality, emotionally. To come through all that life throws your way and keep those things intact. To stay balanced with the ability to make great decisions in the middle of life’s frustrations.
I believe that each of us is designed by a designer or creator in ways that are very unique from each other. Relating patterns are similar, but the way that I move through life, the way that I make decisions, the way I see things and view things and respond to things is drastically different than the way you would go through similar things. The things that I love to do will be different than the things you love to do. The things I find exciting, you may find boring. The things you find to be thrilling may put me to sleep. We are all different.
That statement does not reveal anything new to you, but I want to dive deeper into the uniqueness of design for each of us, and the ramifications on your life and mine if we do not understand how we have each been designed to refuel when we reach a depleted state. If we all are different in our design, then not only do we respond uniquely as we face all that life throws our way, but we also are depleted at a different rate and refueled In a different manner. Not understanding how you reach depletion and what refuels you once you do, can be devastating to your life, your decisions, and your success. Building those refueling moments and activities into your life will take some time and some self awareness. The result will pay enormous dividends for you and those around you.
The first part of the journey naturally starts with the question; Do you know what depletes you emotionally? Be specific, which people, what activities and circumstances. I will teach you to learn about the "depletors" in your life and the "refuelers." The goal is to be able to gauge where you are at any given time and then know what to do in order to overcome depletion and learn how to refuel. So, pull up a chair and let's take a journey together.
