Wednesday, December 14, 2005

THE BALANCING ACT- part 1

One of the things that is always problematic about taking time to do the things that recharge you is that others around you might not understand. Not understanding why you need to do it, why you need to spend money or time on it right now. It is very easy for those around us to make judgment calls about the new things we start in life. (Especially if we are the type of person that starts a lot of new things.) You may be considered selfish or self centered. If they do not understand what recharges them or the importance of these concepts, they will perceive these things as somehow taking away from them, wasting time, finances, and energy. If they can somehow become aware of the principles you are learning about recharging and then see you honor the rearranging of time, energy, money to enhance their life, it will be an easier sell. This way, you will be giving each other permission to do the things that refuels each of you individually. If you are married, you will have to navigate this area gently and with respect.

Being intentional about taking the finite resources (time, energy, money) and directing them to these areas that bring recharging will be your first step toward success. You will need to expect disappointment from someone in your life about your choice to be aggressive in this area of your life. It is an impossibility to stay on track or budget in any area of personal life or business life without disappointing someone or some group of people. You may not be intentionally targeting people to disappoint, but the nature of staying on track with goals brings disappointment somewhere. If you cannot become acquainted with this aspect of disappointment, you will never be able to lead yourself or anybody else.

By the very nature of saying “yes” to this part of your life you are saying “no” to other areas. Those other areas may also be good things. That’s what makes it hard. Someone once said, “You have to say no to a lot of good things, in order to say yes to the best.” That will always be true. Staying on track with a physical fitness program means that you will have to disappoint yourself because you cannot eat what you want, drink what you want, lay around as much as you want. You will have to push yourself in training beyond where you are comfortable in order to get the results you desire. The same is true with this. There will be times in which I say no to someone at work in order to say yes to me. I will have to say no to my children, my spouse, my neighbors, my parents, just about everyone that wants my time, energy, and money to be focused on them.

There is a never ending parade of people needing us for something. I could spend most of the day with my kids and at the end of the day tell them that dad needs to be by himself for the next hour, and one of them would be disappointed and may try to make me feel like I never spend time with them. Those around us will take everything we will give them if we are not careful. Be careful of the guilt that gets thrown your way intentionally and unintentionally. This does not mean we ignore the other areas of life. I’m taking for granted that you are concerned about balancing time between important areas. I do not want to be misunderstood so that someone will use this writing as a weapon or a way of just being more self-centered in their life. There is no way possible to stay emotionally refueled by doing these new things and at the same time ignoring family and relational responsibilities. It will not happen. It will not last.

Living this new way, should always be a benefit to you and those around you. If you are spending time, energy, and money on the thing that you say refuels you, and yet you come home after involvement in it more depleted, grumpier and less loving, something is wrong. You either missed a point a long the way or you weren’t honest and authentic enough to get to some great answers during the self analysis portion.

Comments:
Putting aside the good in favor of the best is always a real problem for me.

Also, saying "no" to anybody about anything upsets me enormously. I want everybody to think well of me, so I let them and their needs dictate my day all too often ... but when I live for others without taking care of my own needs, I end up resenting those others and feeling bitter.

And I'm not at all sure how to resolve this.

As a Christian I really do want to express my love for Christ by serving others, but at the same time I realize that bitterness and resentment should certainly not be a result of that service. And, like I said, I don't know what to do about this.
 
There's a lot of wisdom in this post.
 
One way I can recharge during the day takes only a little time and no money other than what I would spend for a quick lunch anyway. I hit the drive through at my favorite restaurant, then park in the lot behind it and read a book while I eat, with feet propped up on the dash and the seat leaned back. Only 20 minutes of this and I am refreshed and ready to go back to work. I can't do this at home because I would get interrupted and be resentful, but in my car, with the radio and cell phone turned off - I can achieve a sense of peace.
 
I agree with John on his comment, and i find myself doing, doing, and doing for others, with no return. I usually don't mind, because as he said, I feel that by serving others, I am serving christ. But sometimes, I do get resentful. When i'm sick, or in a very low time, and one of my friends call, who I do a lot for, and that person doesn't even ask what they can do for me, well i start getting resentful. So i have to take a step back, and evaluate my motives. What i do for other people, i need to do with a glad heart, and not resent them if they don't reciprocate.

right now, because of my attitude, I am taking a step back from my norm, which is to jump in feet first, and volunteer myself, and try to fix everyones problems and bail them out. I've kind of over done it, and I'm burned out. I"m laying low for awhile, and asking God, what he really wants me to be doing. Because I have to tell you, I'm not being blessed right now, so i'm doing something wrong. I hope I can hear from God, and figure out what it is I need to do differently.

I know it's not all about me being blessed, so what i'm saying, is that I feel like if I'm having a hard time, and lots of bad things are hapening, I need to take a look at my life, and see if there is something I am doing that is blocking me from receiving God's blessings. Does this make sense?
 
good stuff here, although at first glance i thought your title said "hubby spanks" sorry bout that. but you can't help what you think sometimes. maybe you have some advice to offer over at my new blog? it's all about marriage
 
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